So, if there is a “Big Scandal” it is most likely related to someone out there being ingenious enough to connect all the various scams and schemes this cast of characters was engaged in…and present it in a way that the public understands…with all the crimes, graft, bribes, and pay-to-play corruption pointing right to Obama himself.

This is a Herculean task.  There are riddles and clues and enigmas wrapped in mysteries.  All of this garbage goes back at least 20 years, back to Obama’s first days in Chicago…and most of it ties into things that were going on at Trinity United Church of Chirst as well…in particular the “Down Low Club”, DLC (not to be confused with the Democrat Leadership Conference).

The “DLC” is real (on both counts, but in relation to Trinity United for our purposes).  Both Democrats and Republicans have something like this — where closeted gay men of public prominence can meet guys for sex and fun without blowing their covers.  Republican Congressman Aaron Schock, for example, used the Chicago Young Republicans organization extensively through the summer of 2009 to meet hot young guys here in Chicago.  We know of several guys who “dated” Schock through the CYRs…and these guys were chosen because they are ambitious, bisexual/questioning, and closeted themselves…so they could be trusted to keep Schock’s secret.  We imagine people like Mark Kirk, Lindsey Graham, Larry Craig, Eric Massa, Mark Foley, Charlie Crist, and others had similar arrangements with Cocktail Party Republican establishment organizations that introduced these closeted gay men with young, attractive guys who could be trusted not to talk about doing whatever they were doing with politicians.  These are NOT male prostitutes…but rather young men who want to get ahead in the GOP, so they’re willing to give a little…head…fill in the blank if you know what we mean.  Not every guy is as attractive as Schock, but if you knew anything about the CYRs you’d see just how many guys in a groupd like that would love to do just about anything to have a Congressman write him letters of recommendation…especially in this economy.

In Chicago’s black community, the same thing was going on at Trinity United Church of Christ under Jeremiah Wright…where gay doctors, lawyers, football players, and politicians were all introduced to other closeted gay men…all of whom were usually married John Travolta/Tom Cruise/Rock Hudson style.  The “DLC” set these guys up as “buddies”, so they could have their wives and public images while getting up to all their mano-y-mano shenanigans too.  The black community is extremely bigoted and homophobic in general — much more so than the rest of American society.  Gays are actively hated in churches like Trinity United, but efforts like the DLC are seen as endeavors to “cure” these men…or at the very least keep their activities within the club so that they are not putting themselves or their wives at risk by doing things in bathhouses, back alleys, or in sex clubs like “The Hole”.

Maybe the “Big Scandal” Ulstermann is referring to is the fact that Globe magazine and other publications have put together concrete evidence of Obama’s membership in the “DLC” at Trinity United.  Maybe they were able to infiltrate the church and get people to talk on record.  That would be impressive, because church members are terrified about talking on the record with this subject.

That’s because of Option Three for what this scandal could be, and that’s the suspicious and still-unsolved murders of several black gay men in Trinity United, all of whom had ties to Obama, and all of whom were killed as Obama was preparing to make his run for the presidency…almost as if they were taken out so that they could not impede his rise.  Their deaths would eliminate whatever they were feared to have on Obama, as well as scaring other blacks in Chicago from outing him as well.

Now, all of this sounds crazy.  MURDER?  The current President of the United States being involved in murders?  That sure would be a big scandal alright, bigger than Watergate…but if no one has touched any of this with a ten foot pole before, because they were scared of what Obama’s supporters would do to them, we don’t know what would have changed now.  Obama will be revered as a small-g god in the black community for years to come…until we have another black president, most likely someone like Allen West in the future, who eclipses him.

But for the foreseeable future, blacks in America won’t want to hear anything negative about Obama, or believe he could be capable of anything horrible, anymore than they allowed OJ Simpson or Michael Jackson to be accurately appraised for their behavior either.

We can’t imagine a news organization in this country, even the Globe, dedicating resources to flesh out anything on the Donald Young murders at Trinity United, the Down Low Club, Obama’s Man’s Country escapades, Obama’s bizarre relationship with Hollywood actor Kal Penn, or Obama’s ongoing strange interactions with former Duke basketball player Reggie Love (whom Obama calls his iReggie).

After thinking about all of the above, it actually occurs to us that there is in reality a FOURTH option for what the “Big Scandal” could be…and that could be Obama’s birth certificate…and either the names or the race that’s listed on that original, Hawaiian document that Obama refuses to reveal.

It was weird SNL did a birth certificate joke against Obama this last weekend on the show…where Harry Reid, on the show, asked Obama why he won’t just show his birth certificate.

David Axelrod is a gross pig of a man, but we will give him credit where it is due:  by astroturfing the “Birther” conspiracy theory crowd, Axelrod successfully removed conversation about Obama’s missing birth certificate from socially acceptable talk.  Even now, writing this, we dread seeing people in comments indulging their Birther delusions of Obama not being born in Hawaii, Obama really being born in Kenya, Obama being born in Atlantis, etc.  David Axelrod DELIBERATELY put those ideas in your heads, knowing that on Pavlovian cue he’d be able to rev you up and make you look crazy…and in turn make anyone talking about the birth certificate look crazy…because those fantasies are so out there.

MEANWHILE, the REAL REASON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE IS BEING HIDDEN remains undiscussed.  After going over the facts on this for the last two years, we’ve nailed it down to a few options.  Obama won’t reveal his birth certificate because:

* His father was not actually Barack Hussein Obama, Sr. but was in fact Frank Marshall, a radical communist and admitted pedophile who had a strange relationship with Obama’s mother Stanley Duhahm in Hawaii.  Since BHO Sr. lived in Kenya, some speculate Stanley told people he was the baby’s father since Frank Marshall was married at the time, and being impregnated by a man on another continent was easier for Stanley to deal with at the time.

* Obama’s real name is “Barry Soetoro” because his birth certificate was legally changed in the 1970s when Lolo Soetoro, Obama’s Indonesian stepfather, adopted him.  His school records in Indonesia list him legally as Barry Soetoro.  We presume he needed to show a birth certificate to attend school, and the school recorded his legal name as Barry Soetoro at the time of his enrollment.  Knowing school administrators, they would have taken the name exactly as it appeared on a document they were given.  If the certificate had said “Barack Hussein Obama, Jr.” on it, the school would have enrolled him with that name, and possibly put “Barry Soetoro” in parentheses somewhere if that was the name he preferred to go by.  Just as “Virginia Smith” might go by “Ginny”, but her school record would read “Virginia ‘Ginny’ Smith” in terms of her enrollment.This is not the case for Obama.  While living in Indonesia, he was “Barry Soetoro” for all those years, with the name “Barack Hussein Obama, Jr.” only resurfacing back on Hawaii when Obama realized his Kenyan father’s name got him further with white-guilt liberals than an Indonesian name did.  Obama is, was, and always will be an opportunist of the highest order.  He is EXCELLENT at playing white guilt like a harp.  But, it does not appear he ever legally changed his name back to Barack Hussein Obama, Jr. after his adoption by Lolo Soetoro.  Maybe he did this so that he would inherit money from Soetoro in the future, and he knew with all of his real father’s children spread all over the world he’d never get a dime from them…so opportunist Obama kept his claim to Soetoro for that reason, but to the white world started using his Kenyan father’s name again to get the maximum financial aid, benefits, and promotions white guilt would give him.

(3) The last oddity the birth certificate might reveal is that ethnographically in 1961 Obama was recorded as a “Caucasian Arab” child.  His mother was a white Caucasian, 100%.  His father, assuming it was Barack Hussein Obama, Sr., was only 1/4 black.  According to how the British classified him in Kenya back in 1961, he would have actually been listed on official documents as “African Arab”.  That left the bureaucrat filling out Obama’s birth certificate with a dilemma in terms of what to record the new baby’s race as in the year 1961. “Caucasian” was his dominant race, since his mother was 100% Caucasian.  Since the father was only 1/4 black, but mostly Arab, the birth certificate could reveal Obama to be a “Caucasian Arab”, since that seems to be the most natural mix of those two identities.

That last one is by far the most damaging thing that could ever be revealed about Obama. His entire “phenomenon” is based on him being the “historic and unprecedented first black president”. But, if his birth certificate recorded him as “Caucasian Arab” it would not only rev up everyone who suspects him of being an agent of Islam in the White House, but also undermine his stratospheric 90%+ support in the black community.

Remember, blacks protect Obama out of race-pride just the same as they protected OJ Simpson and Michael Jackson.  Their loyalty to Obama is unflappable…as long as he’s really genetically black.  MJ proved he could transform into a white woman, essentially, and not lose that support because his genes were still black, no matter what color was under his sequined jackets.

But, what would happen to Obama if it was proved he lied to the black community about being one of them?

So much of his life was spent perfecting that “black preacher” patois he learned from listening to tapes of Jeremiah Wright’s sermons while at Columbia and Harvard.  He came to Chicago to gain black legitimacy in the Southside.  He married a crass, stereotypical, big-bottomed black woman name Michelle LaVaughn Robinson whose family was not only part of the Daley Machine, but was close with Jesse Jackson.  At every step of the way, Obama cultivated as many ties as possible to black leaders so that he would not be seen as an outsider.  Michelle’s crassness was the most important aspect of all this — her abrasiveness and scowling, grievance-driven demeanor, when carried on his arm, made Obama seem “Southside black” in her company.

Without Michelle, Obama was too exotic…too alien.  She made him real. Jeremiah Wright made him real.  Those “G** Damn America!” sermons the two of them enjoyed for twenty years made them real.  Without any of this, the “Caucasian Arab” born in Hawaii in 1961 would not have been pushed by the DNC at lightning speed to become “the historic and unprecedented first black president”.

Since everyone in the media is so deathly afraid of an all-out race war and the Obamas pointing the finger and screeching RAAACIST! at anyone questioning them, we’d be stunned if THIS was the “Big Scandal” Ulstermann talks about in those articles.

Could be.

But, we have such a low opinion of the cowards both in the media and the Cocktail Party Republican party that we can’t imagine anyone in the opposition camp pursuing any of the stories above.

Democrats, of course, want to keep all of this from ever being talked about because Ulstermann is right:  if Americans on a large scale started talking about ANY of this, they’d wonder why the Democrats lied about it all.  They’d demand to know why none of this stuff came out in 2008.

True, palpable, anger would broil in the public.

Who knows what would happen.

But, once that genie left the bottle, the media sure as Hell would not be able to stop it.

It really could be bigger than Watergate, because there’s just so many bizarre elements to this…and it’s certainly a more sexy, soap-operatic tale than anything about “plumbers’ in some office building in DC.

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